You see me smiling. What you don't see is that I am screaming behind that smile. You see me go on with everything....work....groceries.....life in general. What you don't see is that it takes every ounce of energy I have just to breathe. You see me alone with my thoughts. What you don't see is me talking to Him You see me say "I am fine". What you don't see is the huge hole in my heart that can never be filled. You see me and think "she's back to normal". What you don't see is that there is no normal for me anymore. You see me and think "Oh my God I hope this never happens to me" What you don't see is that as much as I long for you to understand me... I hope this never happens to you either. You see me joking and laughing with others and think she must be gettin over what has happened. What you don't see is that I can never forget, nor would I want to, you don't get over the loss of a child. You see me sad and don't know what to say so you keep going. What you don't see is all I really want is for you to ask how I am doing, really, and give me a hug. You see that life goes on. What you don't see is on August 1, 2005 that the life I had will never be the same . You see that I am strong...... do not be deceived. What you don't see is that I am weak and weary. somedays "I am 6 feet from the edge". What you see is a mask....a lie. The mask helps you cope with me and me cope with myself. What you don't see is the raw sometimes unbearable pain. You don't see me being unable to breathe. What you don't see is my despair. You don't see me screaming to heaven for God to give my son back. What you don't see you could never understand anyway unless you walk a mile in my shoes.... God Forbid.
What My Child Has Taught Me / Mom What My Child Has Taught Me I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice. I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends. I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for the lack of compassion. I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it." I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone. I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words. But so is love.
RYAN/ Mom Our darling Precious Ryan We were all by your side with tears we watched over you and held your hand and cried you fought so hard to stay our hearts were slowly breaking as we watched you slip away your final breathe was so soft and sweet your life was over, you now lay in peace we know you had to leave us, you did not go alone for part of us went with you the day the angels took you home you have given us so much love thank you Ryan for all your love now you are safe in the arms of Jesus where pain does not exist we will be together again one day we will always love you
A MOTHER'S LOVE / Mom I gave you the gift of life, and in return I've received You were a true blessing given to me from the Lord above. For the love between a mother and a son is like no other And I am so proud that I am able to say, I am YOUR mother.
HAPPY 4th OF JULY / MOM
MY LOVE IS WITH YOU Author Unknown / MOM My Love Is With You My love is with you Oh, sweet son, what can I say? My heart is empty without you each day. The angel wings you wear must be so grand, If only I could reach out and touch your hand. Maybe then we could say good-bye Which could help dry the tears that I cry. Now I know that's impossible for us to do, So let's make a deal, just me and you. When I look to the stars at night, You look for me with all your might. When you see me just shine real bright, And together we can send our love and say good night. I miss you, son, more every day, And the emptiness I feel will not go away. You are my son and will always be, My angel in heaven looking down on me. You will live in my heart, And I will try to be strong, Because, my son, in my heart is where you belong. I love you, son, sleep well, my son.
letter from heaven xxx / Terry Reilly (friend angel charlie maclennan )
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven, here I dwell with God above Here there's no more tears of sadness, here is just eternal love
Please do not be unhappy, just because I'm out of sight Remember that I am with you morning, noon and night
That day I had to leave you, when my life on earth was through God picked me up and hugged me, he said 'I welcome you'
'Its good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on'
'I need you here so badly, you are apart of my plan there is so much we can do, to help our mortel man'
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight God and I are close to you... in the middle of the night
When you think of my life on earth, and all of those loving years Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
Do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain
I wish that I could tell you,all that God had planned If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is through More then ever before, I'm so much closer to you
There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb But together we can do it, by taking one day at a time
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too That as you give into the world, the world will give to you
If you can help somebody, who is in sorrow and pain Then you can say to God at night....'My day was not in vain'
And now I am contented... that my life was worthwhile Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low Just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go
When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind I'm walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when its time for you to go.....from that body to be free Remember you are not going..... You're coming here to me.
Until we are together again i love and miss you all all my love Ryan xxx
THE BEST / MOM
A heart of gold stopped beating, two shining eyes at rest, God broke our hearts to prove, He only takes the best.
God knows you had to leave us, but you did not go alone, for part of us went with you, the day He took you home.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past, but to us who loved and lost you, the memory will always last.
I AM ALWAYS WITH YOU / MOM When I am gone, release me- let me go. I have so many things to see and do. You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears, Be happy that we had so many years.
I gave to you my love, you can only guess How much you gave to me in happiness. I thank you for the love You each have shown But now it's time I traveled on alone.
So grieve a while for me, if grieve you must, Then let your grief be conforted by trust. It's only for a while that we must part. So bless the memories within your heart.
I won't be far away for life goes on, So if you need me, call and I will come. Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near And if you listen with your heart you'll hear All of my love around you speaking soft and clear.
And then, when you Must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile And say to you "Welcome Home."
Gone But Never Forgotten / Mom
Gone but never forgotten
You were so full of life, Always smiling and carefree, Life loved you being a part of it, And I loved you being a part of me.
You could make anyone laugh, If they were having a bad day, No matter how sad I was, You could take the hurt away.
Nothing could every stop you, Or even make you fall, You were ready to take on the world, Ready to do it all.
But God decided he needed you, So from this world you left, But you took a piece of all of us, Our hearts are what you kept.
Your seat is now empty, And it's hard not to see your face, But please always know this, No one will ever take your place.
You left without a warning, Not even saying good-bye, And I can't seem to stop, Asking the question why?
Nothing will ever be the same, The halls are empty without your laughter, But I know you're in Heaven, Watching over us and looking after.
I didn't see this coming, It hit me by surprise, And when you left this world, A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day, No matter what they were going through, And I know everyday for the rest of my life,I'll be missing you.
Happy Easter Ryan / Mom
I LOVE YOU RYAN / Tami
MY SPECIAL SON / MOM You were so full of life Ryan Always smiling and carefree, Life loved you being a part of it, And I loved you being a part of me.
You could make anyone laugh Ryan, If they were having a bad day, No matter how sad I was, You could take the hurt away. Nothing could every stop you Ryan Or even make you fall, You were ready to take on the world Ready to do it all. But God decided he needed you, So from this world you left, But you took a piece of all of us, Our hearts are what you kept.
Your bed is now empty Ryan And it's hard not to see your face, But please always know this Ryan No one will ever take your place.
You left without a warning Ryan Not even saying good-bye, And I can't seem to stop, Asking the question why? Nothing will ever be the same Ryan The house is empty without your laughter, But I know you're in Heaven Ryan Watching over us and looking after us. And when you left this world A small part of me died. Your smile could brighten anyone's day No matter what they were going through, And I know everyday for the rest of my life Ryan I'll be missing you. You are remembered everyday Ryan xx
TO MY FAMILY / RYAN FOR OUR FAMILY I LEFT BEHIND I know it’s hard to understand But it’s all part of a bigger plan It’s alright and I’m okay I’ve never seen such a pretty place Still I’m sorry that I had to go away Dry your tears now don’t you cry You know I’ll always be close by For all those years you helped me through Now I’ll be the one looking out for you I’ll be right here just close your eyes Picture my face and I’ll make you smile Speak my name and I’ll be there for you I promise, cause that’s what angels do We’ve shared so many special times The memories dance through our minds Just keep them close when we’re apart And wrap them tightly in your heart Cause that’s where joy and healing have to start Dry your tears now don’t you cry You know I’ll always be close by For all those years you helped me through Now I’ll be the one looking out for you I’ll be right here, just close your eyes Picture my face and I’ll make you smile Speak my name and I’ll be there for you I promise, cause that’s what angels do
My Arms Will Be Your Stairway by Millie P. Lorenz / MOM
My Arms Will Be Your Stairway
When they placed you in my arms I gently embraced you, bringing you closer to my heart and the love I held there for you so deep within it. I looked down at your beautiful little face as your tiny fingers reached across the distance between my heart and yours, and grasped my fingers tightly. It was in those moments when I received the precious gift of my first Memory Pictures…. my first glimpses of you!
And in those moments I promised you that the arms that held you then would be the stairway to all of the wonder and joy that was ahead of you; from a hug for you each time you cried to the pride I felt each time you celebrated your dreams. I promised myself that I would be there for you always.
And the years passed… I was amazed at how a Mother’s heart could hold a capacity beyond measure of the love she held for her child. My arms were the stairway from your wounded little knee when you fell to, “making it better” when I held you.
When your little feet carried you the short span of distance away from me, jumping with joy…. turning on occasion to see if I was watching your wondrous little feats…. I held out my arms to you. As you laughed and ran back to me I reached out and swept you up into my arms before hugging you close to me feeling such thankfulness for the precious Memory Pictures I was gathering and the gift of your “child’s love” that tightly surrounded my heart and soul.
And time was… and you grew…. And at no time while gathering my Memory Pictures did I ever believe that your life with me would be measured.
But in the quiet times when I miss you from the depths of my soul, I hug my arms around myself and believe that your face is only a glimpse away from my heart and your beautiful self is only a memory away from my arms; your love will never leave me…. I am your Forever Mom!
I then once again realize that, from the day you were born, I gave you the staircase to your dreams…. and in that moment when time stood still God took you from my loving arms and embraced you in His own!
And in the silence that surrounds me in my memories, I know that you are now My stairway to heaven as you hold me in your Angel Arms…. until the day we once again embrace each other….
And I realize that My Arms were Your stairway to heaven!
Millie P. Lorenz
This writing is dedicated In Memory of Ryan Hook, to his “Forever Mom”, Tamura Bush, and to all who have suffered the loss of a child. May these words be of comfort to you as you grow to believe just how precious your loving arms are!
Millie P. Lorenz
Everything I Own / Bread
Everything I Own
You sheltered me from harm. Kept me warm, kept me warm You gave my life to me Set me free, Set me free The finest years I ever knew were all the years I had with you
I would give anything I own, Give up me life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, just to have you back again.
You taught me how to love, What its of, what its of. You never said too much, but still you showed the way, and I knew from watching you. Nobody else could ever know the part of me that can't let go.
I would give anything I own, Give up me life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own Just to have you back again.
Is there someone you know, you're loving them so, but taking them all for granted. You may lose them one day, someone takes them away, and they don't hear the words you long to say
I would give anything I own, Give up me life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own Just to have you back again.
MY DEAR SON / MOM In Loving Memory Of A Dear Son
Something will remind me I never know just when, It might be something someone says And it all comes back again
The times we spent together The happiness, the fun, Once again I feel the pain Of lfe without my Son
It's said that time's a healer Im not sure this is true, There's not a day goes by Son That I don't cry for you.