Ryan Hook
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Life's Never Ending Question  / Mom
Life's never ending question...
Why was I left here without you?
There will never be an answer
Or a thing that I can do

I now drift from day to day
With a broken heart and tears
With life's never ending question
That will haunt me all my years

Why did you have to leave here...
Was it really just your time?
Each day I search for answers
Watch and wait for your sweet signs

As I look up to the heavens...
Ask again a simple why?
My heart continues weeping
And the tears fall from my eyes

I miss you more than ever
Each day hurts a little more
As I struggle to find answers
That torment me to my core

I imagine this is life now
Asking why till my life ends
When I leave this earth for Heaven
Till I also do transcend

Life's never ending question...
Why was I left here without you?
There will never be an answer
Or a thing that I can do

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie Sorenson
© Copyright July 2007

The day I lost me too by Lyndie Sorenson  / Mom
Another anniversary of the day that I lost you
It's really very simple that day I lost me too

Although I try to find the me that I used to be
I will never find that person for she is lost to me

I know it sounds confusing to those that have no clue
That when you lose a child, you also then lose you

It sounds like one big riddle that I should work on through
But there is not an answer, not one thing that I can do

Grief is what has come to me and changed me from within
It has burrowed deep inside of me , like it's a second skin

No one should live on this way but there was little choice
When grief was handed out to me I didn't have a voice

I often wonder who I am since losing my sweet child
In the world in which we live in I've been forced into denial

With every anniversary that marks another year
Are thoughts that come from others that my pain should disappear

I am a mother that has lost a child on a tragic day
With that loss it took my dreams and visions far away

I would have chose to leave instead for life is not so good
For all that ever mattered was my son and motherhood

In loving memory of Joey Sorenson 1/5/82-7/19/ 82
Lyndie Sorenson
©copyright July 2007
Poem by Lyndie Sorenson  / Mom
I embrace each and every moment
You lived with me on Earth
A journey of emotions
From the second of your birth

Your anticipated arrival
All your life would be
The instant I had waited for
When you were born to me

The years brought with sweet memories
I will cherish in my heart
Your first smile lives within me
Although we now must live apart

Our special times together
A mother and her son
Then life took a tragic wrong turn
That can never be undone

Days are spent denying
So much of what I feel
This pain is just to harsh
When you allow it to be real

So I slip into a silent place
One within my soul
To remember life together
Before I lost control

Although you are not here with me
To share our life on Earth
I still embrace each and every moment
From the second of your birth

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie Sorenson
©copyright June 2007
By Emily Dickinson  / Mom
If I go while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
behind a thin veil you cannot see through.

You will not see me,
so you must have faith.

I wait for the time when
we can soar together again,
both aware of each other.

Until then, live your life to its fullest
and when you need me.
just whisper my name in your heart,
..I will be there.
Memorial Day  / Mom

....by Christine Ross in memory of Lucas Christopher Ross 1979 - 2001

Your child left this earth not long ago
On a day that's difficult to recall.
That day that ripped your heart out.
A pain not understood at all.

I know the deep wound it has left you.
You see, I have that open wound too.
Because....my child was taken from me
Just as your child was taken from you.

It doesn't matter how long it's been,
A year, a few years, or many more.
I share how it seems only yesterday
Your child was with you and safe as before.

The days gone by are lonely echoes
Of a much happier life and time.
I wish for you the comfort of memories
Held forever in your heart and mind.

Just know your child is reaching out
To announce that life is not through.
To tell you that the spirit never leaves
And is always watching over you.

So on this special memorial day
Let there be honor and memories and pride.
May you feel the spirit of everlasting love
On this day that your sweet child died.

© 2002 - Christine Ross
Mom by Lyndie Sorenson  / Mom
Mom ...
Do you feel me?
Do you know that I am here?
Sending messages from heaven
Trying desperately to appear

I watch you as your tears fall
I try to wipe them all away
I see you with your sorrow
Every moment of your day

With Mothers Day upon us
I wish for you to know
That I love you more then ever
From my spirit it does flow

I will wrap my love around you
On this special day in May
With the hope that you will feel...
I am not so faraway

Our love will be forever
Like the stars that shine so bright
Remember I am with you
Till the day we reunite

In loving memory of Joey Sorenson and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie Sorenson
© copyright May 2007

To Be Free by Lyndie Sorenson  / Mom
Each day I wake to silence
Broken by my tears
With memories of your laughter
So afraid will disappear

Visions of your smile
Such sparkle in your eyes
I never had my moment
To hug, or say goodbye

I seem lost as if I wander
On from day to day
While others all around me
Believe that I'm okay

That is their illusion
What they wish to see
For I have changed forever
I am new to even me

Wishing for a miracle
Asking why each day
Living on my memories
When life was not this way

Years move on around me
Time does not stand still
But deep within my heart
For me it always will

That day my world exploded
My heart and soul died too
Words just can't explain this
I'm so lost here without you

I try so hard to handle
What life has dealt to me
But deep inside my body
I am longing to be free

In Loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie Sorenson
© 2007
Midnight hours -Author Unknown  / Mom
The midnight hours are the worst
People should warn you more about that
The hours between dusk and dawn seem like an eternity
They creep on painfully slow...minutes stretch into hours...
All you do is lie in the dark and think
You're exhausted; you'd give anything to sleep
But you can't
You're torn between the sad thoughts
That continue to break your heart
And the happy memories of your loved one lost
You think of what you could have done more of...
And the things you didn't do enough of...
And the future chances now gone...
You toss and turn and sleep finally claims you...
A few minutes at a time...but it is never for long...
Because the sorrow momentarily forgotten... "

I Hear Each Tear  / Mom
I Hear Each Tear Fall On Her Face

My Mom doesn't know I'm watching her
but I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
at the very mention of my name.
She says it sounds like music to her ears
and can be heard over a crowd.
Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face
when my name is said aloud.
I watch her stumble through each day
as she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
as she talks of me to her friends.
But there are few who truly understand.
Oh this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face.
Will my Mom ever be the same?
I know that her smile lights up a sky.
But I don't see that smile today.
Oh, but I hear each tear fall on her face.
Her blue skies have turned to gray.
Oh I send to her my warmest hug
with the rays of the morning sun.
Then, I won't hear a tear fall on her face.
For I shall erase them one by one.
Yes, my Mom doesn't know I'm watching her.
But I'm watching her just the same.
And if I hear a tear fall on her face
I'll just softly whisper her name!
~ Author Unknown ~

A Mothers Worst Nightmare by Lyndie Sorenson  / Mom
A mother's worst nightmare
> A mother's worst fear
> To live on without you
> Each day and each year
> No words can express
> How my heart misses you
> Unless you have lived this
> You haven't a clue
> Tears meet me each day
> There is heartache and pain
> Life is not living
> I am physically drained
> It doesn't get better
> Doesn't just go away
> We don't just move on
> As so many might say
> I have heard all the answers
>From those that don't know
> They have said it is time
> I must simply let go
> I pretend I am listening
> And sometimes I nod
> But I continue to live life
> With my great facade
> No one can see it
> I hide it so well
> It's my little secret
> I have learned not to tell
> The pain in my heart
> That I carry inside
> Will always be with me
> It will never subside
> In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
> Lyndie Sorenson
> March 2007

Ryan's journal #3  / Mom
3/7/05  Tyler came over this afternoon to see how I was doing and asked me if I wanted to go into town to get his oil changed,. So we did the oil change and stopped at a few places. We had lunch at Logan's Roadhouse , which the food was good. But there you can just throw peanut shells on the floor.

3/8/05 I had to go to the doctor's today to start my second round of chemo. Stinks that I still have tumor cells in my bone marrow so for the next three days I am going to have to come back for more.

3/12/05 I had a 4:00 MRI scan of the spine and brain. I truly hate MRI's they take so long, so loud, and you can't move for long periods of time. I am drawing a picture of a cat hanging on a branch for the doctors and nurses at Bronson. "HANG IN THERE"

3/15/05 Went in for lab work at 1 pm. Gave them the drawing I had done and everyone loved it made me feel good. Also met a lady that teaches art at Central Michigan. Her and I drew emotions in a circle which was different but neat. Also got the results of my MRI scans and everything was clear.

That is all Ryan wrote hopefully in reading these you can get more insight on what he was  going through and how brave and strong he was. Less than 5 months after he wrote he passed away from a complication to his PNET. Ryan is missed by us all so very much.
Ryan's journal #2  / Mom
2/25/05  My cousin Rex turned 29 today. I two-wayed him and he was in the area so he stopped by for awhile. He showed me a blue print of his house that he is going to build, which is on their farm land/ He and his family are very excited about him actually doing it.

Today was also the birthday of my other cousin matt (think 31st) and my good friend Jason Raleigh.

2/26/05 This morning my Grandpa picked me up to go to Zach's basketball game. He came early so we went out for breakfast to McGonicals. They have very good biscuits and gravy there. Then we went to the game it was interesting. Zach was not doing all to well and he was having an emotional game.

2/28/05 Crackpot for dinner   (This is what Ryan would call anything I threw in the crockpot) He had a sense of humor always.

3/2/05 Was pretty tired this morning but my calves don't hurt anymore. I am halfway through the 2nd book of Lance Armstrong. I can't eat or drink anything after 2:00 am because I am having a spinal tap and bone marrow.  

Hopefully everything is getting better.

3/3/05 This morning I went into Dr. Elliott's office to have the spinal tap and bone marrow done. they gave me some good medicine to knock me out so i don't feel the pain. Since they were doing 2 procedures they gave me more sleepy medicine which stayed in my system quite some time after I got home. Also had blood tests and my counts were good.

3/4/05 This afternoon Ann Moravek came over to visit with me. She left me 3 pages of her thoughts and other stuff.

This evening my mother, sister & I went to look at computers. We found one we liked and tried to find out if we could get a Best Buy Credit card which they issued me a 1300.00 limit so we got the computer. Everyone was happy especially Shana.

My back was pretty sore the whole day.
Ryan's Journal  / Mom
2/22/2005 Today I went into Dr. Elliot's office to do blood tests. The nurse was Michelle and she had an assistant Kristina that drew my labs. After labs i was complaining about my calves being sore so they decided to send me down for an ultrasound on them. So my mom, Kristina and I went down to have that procedure done. It took longer than I thought it would. They started by my groin area and down to my ankles. i remember being nervous because it took awhile and 2 nurses kept pointing at the screen. They were checking for clotting. After they turned the screen off, they told me everything was clear and no clots.

Thoughts & feelings- I have been off the third final stage of chemotherapy and i still feel tired alot. Chemo kicks your butt. I am ready to have a clean bill of health again.

2/23/2005 Today I had an unexpected visitor and it was my Aunt Dar. She came into my room with a bag in her hands and pulled out a couple of books. the 2nd Lance Armstrong bookand the other one was about hope and strength to get through cancer. Then we chit-chatted a bit and she had to get going.

Today I also finished the first book of Lance Armstrong. It was very good. I can relate to about 80-85% of what he had dealt with in his cancer battle and all about his life and how he viewed cancer.
In the Light Author Unknown  / Mom
In The Light
Author Unknown

A shadow of joy flickered; it is me.
I told you I wouldn't leave..
My spirit is with you.
My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart.
I still love you.
Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned.
I am in the Light.
In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard --
these are the places I stay with you.
My spirit rises every time you pray for me,
but my energy comes closer to you.
Love does not diminish, it grows stronger.
I am the feather that finds you in the yard,
the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind,
I place our memories for you to see.
We lived in our special way,
a way that now has its focus changed.
I still crave your understanding and
long for the many words of prayer and good fortune for my soul.
I am in the Light.

As you struggle to adjust without me,
I watch silently.
Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world to make you notice me.
Impressed by your grief, I try to impress my love deeper into your
As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help.
You should know that the fountain of youth does exist.
My soul is now healthy.
Your love sends me new found energy.
I am adjusting to this new world.
I am with you and I am in the Light.

Please don't feel bad that you can't see me.
I am with you wherever you go.
I protect you, just as you protected me so many times.
Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you.
Mother, father, son or daughter it makes no difference.
Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference.
Whatever our connection-friend or even foe-I see you with my new eyes.
I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed.
This can be done because I am in the Light.

When you feel despair, reach out to me.
I will come.
Our love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth.
Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest
that you had when we were together in the physical sense.
You owe this to me, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself.
Life continues for both of us.
I am with you because I love you and I am in the Light.

My Valentine wish
Comes from my heart
Missing you deeply
Since we are apart

I long to hold you
Hug you so tight
Nothing would bring me
Greater delight

Our love is forever
No one can take that away
I will remember you always
Even more so today

My special child
Our hearts so entwined
I will love you forever...
My sweet Valentine

In loving memory of all our precious children
Lyndie Sorenson Joey's proud mom
February 14, 2007

To my son  / Mom
Go and run free with the angels,
Dance around the golden clouds,
For the Lord has chosen you to be with Him,
And we should feel nothing but proud.
Even though he has taken you from us,
and our pain a lifetime will last.
Your memory will never escape us,
but make us glad for the time we did have.
Your smiles will be forever hidden deep inside our hearts,
and each moment you gave us never will depart.
So go and run free with the angels,
As they smile so tenderly,
and please be sure to tell them to take good care of you...
for me.
Author unknown

Carved you in the Palm of My Hand  / Mom
The truest words of all: I will not forget you.
You are in my waking thoughts,
my sweetest memories, my dearest dreams.
I will not forget you.
You have touched my soul, opened my eyes,
changed my very experience of the universe.
I will not forget you.
I see you in the flowers, the sunset,
the sweep of the horizon
and all things that stretch to infinity.
I will not forget you.
I have carved you on the palm of my hand.
I carry you with me forever.
— Ellen Sue Stern, Living With Loss, 1995

A SEASON'S GRIEF by Robb Holmes TCF  / Mom
A Season's Grief
Robb Holmes TCF

Trim the tree with tears, if you must.
Admire their sparkle, but do not let them
quench the flames of the candles you lit.

My gifts to you have been delivered.
Find them, search in my hiding places.
Unwrap them, peel away the obscuring layers
and reveal the treasure within.
You may wear it for any ocassion and
share it with others.

Give me the only gift you can: Remember me.
Remember me as I was.
Do not try to make me better or smarter,
or prettier or in any way something other than
the person that was me.

Keep me alive within your heart.
By Lyndie Sorenson  / Mom
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
But one special stocking was no longer there
All that was left were the memories bittersweet
Of a life that had ended so incomplete

The family had pictures all gathered around
That sometimes made all of them tear up and frown
For the sorrow and sadness without their sweet child
Made it difficult for the whole family to smile

Although there were times when they felt him(her) so close
As if they were feeling some kind of a ghost
The signs that were sent were so special and clear
That they felt that he(she) truly was so very near

They often would talk to him(her) as if he(she) was there
Sometimes they would smile but also shed tears
For each Christmas that came brought with it such pain
That they felt in their hearts would always remain

Then one special moment on one special day
He(She) came to them and simply took them away
To fly through the heavens and up to the stars
A beautiful place that was not very far

He(She) showed them where they would all join once again
A place full of beauty no sorrow or pain
A place where he(she) is happy with heavenly friends
A place where we too will also ascend

After their amazing visit was through
This family was no longer terribly blue
For they finally realized one day not to far
They would all be together on a heavenly star

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie Sorenson
December 2006

Light a Candle in Their honor by Lyndie Sorenson  / Mom
A Candle in his honor
For the child I have lost
Tears that have been shed each day
Sleepless nights that I have tossed

My life that has forever changed
Out of my control
Will never understand this fate
Can never be consoled

Each day I awake again to pain
That comes from deep within
Unless you've lived this awful fate
You can't know where I've been

I will never be over losing him
Tried so hard to let you know
That this love will last forever
Till the day that I do go

My memories are bittersweet
Some smiles and some tears
Longing for this all to end
Then days turn into years

I somehow move along in life
This pain right by my side
Grief is now a part of me
My heart it does reside

Please light a candle in his honor
Remember him with me
To lose a child is so tragic
This is not how life should be.

Written by Lyndie Sorenson in memory of Joey and 
his heavenly buddies
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