Midnight hours -Author Unknown / Mom The midnight hours are the worst People should warn you more about that The hours between dusk and dawn seem like an eternity They creep on painfully slow...minutes stretch into hours... All you do is lie in the dark and think You're exhausted; you'd give anything to sleep But you can't You're torn between the sad thoughts That continue to break your heart And the happy memories of your loved one lost You think of what you could have done more of... And the things you didn't do enough of... And the future chances now gone... You toss and turn and sleep finally claims you... A few minutes at a time...but it is never for long... Because the sorrow momentarily forgotten... "
I Hear Each Tear / Mom I Hear Each Tear Fall On Her Face
My Mom doesn't know I'm watching her but I'm watching her just the same. And I hear each tear fall on her face at the very mention of my name. She says it sounds like music to her ears and can be heard over a crowd. Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face when my name is said aloud. I watch her stumble through each day as she wishes the day would end. And I hear each tear fall on her face as she talks of me to her friends. But there are few who truly understand. Oh this I've heard her proclaim. And I hear each tear fall on her face. Will my Mom ever be the same? I know that her smile lights up a sky. But I don't see that smile today. Oh, but I hear each tear fall on her face. Her blue skies have turned to gray. Oh I send to her my warmest hug with the rays of the morning sun. Then, I won't hear a tear fall on her face. For I shall erase them one by one. Yes, my Mom doesn't know I'm watching her. But I'm watching her just the same. And if I hear a tear fall on her face I'll just softly whisper her name! ~ Author Unknown ~
A Mothers Worst Nightmare by Lyndie Sorenson / Mom A mother's worst nightmare > A mother's worst fear > To live on without you > Each day and each year > > No words can express > How my heart misses you > Unless you have lived this > You haven't a clue > > Tears meet me each day > There is heartache and pain > Life is not living > I am physically drained > > It doesn't get better > Doesn't just go away > We don't just move on > As so many might say > > I have heard all the answers >From those that don't know > They have said it is time > I must simply let go > > I pretend I am listening > And sometimes I nod > But I continue to live life > With my great facade > > No one can see it > I hide it so well > It's my little secret > I have learned not to tell > > The pain in my heart > That I carry inside > Will always be with me > It will never subside > > In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies > Lyndie Sorenson > March 2007
Ryan's journal #3 / Mom 3/7/05 Tyler came over this afternoon to see how I was doing and asked me if I wanted to go into town to get his oil changed,. So we did the oil change and stopped at a few places. We had lunch at Logan's Roadhouse , which the food was good. But there you can just throw peanut shells on the floor.
3/8/05 I had to go to the doctor's today to start my second round of chemo. Stinks that I still have tumor cells in my bone marrow so for the next three days I am going to have to come back for more.
3/12/05 I had a 4:00 MRI scan of the spine and brain. I truly hate MRI's they take so long, so loud, and you can't move for long periods of time. I am drawing a picture of a cat hanging on a branch for the doctors and nurses at Bronson. "HANG IN THERE"
3/15/05 Went in for lab work at 1 pm. Gave them the drawing I had done and everyone loved it made me feel good. Also met a lady that teaches art at Central Michigan. Her and I drew emotions in a circle which was different but neat. Also got the results of my MRI scans and everything was clear.
That is all Ryan wrote hopefully in reading these you can get more insight on what he was going through and how brave and strong he was. Less than 5 months after he wrote he passed away from a complication to his PNET. Ryan is missed by us all so very much.
Ryan's journal #2 / Mom 2/25/05 My cousin Rex turned 29 today. I two-wayed him and he was in the area so he stopped by for awhile. He showed me a blue print of his house that he is going to build, which is on their farm land/ He and his family are very excited about him actually doing it.
Today was also the birthday of my other cousin matt (think 31st) and my good friend Jason Raleigh.
2/26/05 This morning my Grandpa picked me up to go to Zach's basketball game. He came early so we went out for breakfast to McGonicals. They have very good biscuits and gravy there. Then we went to the game it was interesting. Zach was not doing all to well and he was having an emotional game.
2/28/05 Crackpot for dinner (This is what Ryan would call anything I threw in the crockpot) He had a sense of humor always.
3/2/05 Was pretty tired this morning but my calves don't hurt anymore. I am halfway through the 2nd book of Lance Armstrong. I can't eat or drink anything after 2:00 am because I am having a spinal tap and bone marrow.
Hopefully everything is getting better.
3/3/05 This morning I went into Dr. Elliott's office to have the spinal tap and bone marrow done. they gave me some good medicine to knock me out so i don't feel the pain. Since they were doing 2 procedures they gave me more sleepy medicine which stayed in my system quite some time after I got home. Also had blood tests and my counts were good.
3/4/05 This afternoon Ann Moravek came over to visit with me. She left me 3 pages of her thoughts and other stuff.
This evening my mother, sister & I went to look at computers. We found one we liked and tried to find out if we could get a Best Buy Credit card which they issued me a 1300.00 limit so we got the computer. Everyone was happy especially Shana.
My back was pretty sore the whole day.
Ryan's Journal / Mom 2/22/2005 Today I went into Dr. Elliot's office to do blood tests. The nurse was Michelle and she had an assistant Kristina that drew my labs. After labs i was complaining about my calves being sore so they decided to send me down for an ultrasound on them. So my mom, Kristina and I went down to have that procedure done. It took longer than I thought it would. They started by my groin area and down to my ankles. i remember being nervous because it took awhile and 2 nurses kept pointing at the screen. They were checking for clotting. After they turned the screen off, they told me everything was clear and no clots.
Thoughts & feelings- I have been off the third final stage of chemotherapy and i still feel tired alot. Chemo kicks your butt. I am ready to have a clean bill of health again.
2/23/2005 Today I had an unexpected visitor and it was my Aunt Dar. She came into my room with a bag in her hands and pulled out a couple of books. the 2nd Lance Armstrong bookand the other one was about hope and strength to get through cancer. Then we chit-chatted a bit and she had to get going.
Today I also finished the first book of Lance Armstrong. It was very good. I can relate to about 80-85% of what he had dealt with in his cancer battle and all about his life and how he viewed cancer.
In the Light Author Unknown / Mom In The Light Author Unknown
A shadow of joy flickered; it is me. I told you I wouldn't leave.. My spirit is with you. My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart. I still love you. Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned. I am in the Light. In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard -- these are the places I stay with you. My spirit rises every time you pray for me, but my energy comes closer to you. Love does not diminish, it grows stronger. I am the feather that finds you in the yard, the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind, I place our memories for you to see. We lived in our special way, a way that now has its focus changed. I still crave your understanding and long for the many words of prayer and good fortune for my soul. I am in the Light.
As you struggle to adjust without me, I watch silently. Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world to make you notice me. Impressed by your grief, I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness. As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help. You should know that the fountain of youth does exist. My soul is now healthy. Your love sends me new found energy. I am adjusting to this new world. I am with you and I am in the Light.
Please don't feel bad that you can't see me. I am with you wherever you go. I protect you, just as you protected me so many times. Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you. Mother, father, son or daughter it makes no difference. Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference. Whatever our connection-friend or even foe-I see you with my new eyes. I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed. This can be done because I am in the Light.
When you feel despair, reach out to me. I will come. Our love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth. Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had when we were together in the physical sense. You owe this to me, but more importantly, you owe it to yourself. Life continues for both of us. I am with you because I love you and I am in the Light.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY / Mom My Valentine wish Comes from my heart Missing you deeply Since we are apart
I long to hold you Hug you so tight Nothing would bring me Greater delight
Our love is forever No one can take that away I will remember you always Even more so today
My special child Our hearts so entwined I will love you forever... My sweet Valentine
In loving memory of all our precious children Lyndie Sorenson Joey's proud mom February 14, 2007
To my son / Mom Go and run free with the angels, Dance around the golden clouds, For the Lord has chosen you to be with Him, And we should feel nothing but proud. Even though he has taken you from us, and our pain a lifetime will last. Your memory will never escape us, but make us glad for the time we did have. Your smiles will be forever hidden deep inside our hearts, and each moment you gave us never will depart. So go and run free with the angels, As they smile so tenderly, and please be sure to tell them to take good care of you... for me. Author unknown
Carved you in the Palm of My Hand / Mom The truest words of all: I will not forget you. You are in my waking thoughts, my sweetest memories, my dearest dreams. I will not forget you. You have touched my soul, opened my eyes, changed my very experience of the universe. I will not forget you. I see you in the flowers, the sunset, the sweep of the horizon and all things that stretch to infinity. I will not forget you. I have carved you on the palm of my hand. I carry you with me forever. — Ellen Sue Stern, Living With Loss, 1995
A SEASON'S GRIEF by Robb Holmes TCF / Mom A Season's Grief Robb Holmes TCF
Trim the tree with tears, if you must. Admire their sparkle, but do not let them quench the flames of the candles you lit.
My gifts to you have been delivered. Find them, search in my hiding places. Unwrap them, peel away the obscuring layers and reveal the treasure within. You may wear it for any ocassion and share it with others.
Give me the only gift you can: Remember me. Remember me as I was. Do not try to make me better or smarter, or prettier or in any way something other than the person that was me.
Keep me alive within your heart.
By Lyndie Sorenson / Mom The stockings were hung by the chimney with care But one special stocking was no longer there All that was left were the memories bittersweet Of a life that had ended so incomplete
The family had pictures all gathered around That sometimes made all of them tear up and frown For the sorrow and sadness without their sweet child Made it difficult for the whole family to smile
Although there were times when they felt him(her) so close As if they were feeling some kind of a ghost The signs that were sent were so special and clear That they felt that he(she) truly was so very near
They often would talk to him(her) as if he(she) was there Sometimes they would smile but also shed tears For each Christmas that came brought with it such pain That they felt in their hearts would always remain
Then one special moment on one special day He(She) came to them and simply took them away To fly through the heavens and up to the stars A beautiful place that was not very far
He(She) showed them where they would all join once again A place full of beauty no sorrow or pain A place where he(she) is happy with heavenly friends A place where we too will also ascend
After their amazing visit was through This family was no longer terribly blue For they finally realized one day not to far They would all be together on a heavenly star
In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies Lyndie Sorenson December 2006
Light a Candle in Their honor by Lyndie Sorenson / Mom A Candle in his honor For the child I have lost Tears that have been shed each day Sleepless nights that I have tossed
My life that has forever changed Out of my control Will never understand this fate Can never be consoled
Each day I awake again to pain That comes from deep within Unless you've lived this awful fate You can't know where I've been
I will never be over losing him Tried so hard to let you know That this love will last forever Till the day that I do go
My memories are bittersweet Some smiles and some tears Longing for this all to end Then days turn into years
I somehow move along in life This pain right by my side Grief is now a part of me My heart it does reside
Please light a candle in his honor Remember him with me To lose a child is so tragic This is not how life should be.
Written by Lyndie Sorenson in memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies