Ryan Hook
(1983-2005)
Memorial website in the memory of your loved one
His legacy
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Forever Changed  

Can you see the change in me?
It may not be so obvious to you
I participate in family activities.
I attend family reunions..
I help plan holiday meals.
You tell me you're glad to see
that I don't care anymore.
But I do cry!
When everyone has gone
-when it is safe-
the tears fall.
I cry in privacy so my family won't worry.
I cry until I'm exhausted
and can finally sleep.
You tell me you admire my strength
and my positive attitude.
But I am not strong,
I feel that I have lost control;
and I panic
when I think about tomorrow...
next week...
next year.
I go about the routine of my job.
I complete my assigned tasks.
I drink coffee and smile.
You tell me you are glad to see I'm "over" the death of my loved one.
But I am not "over" it.
If I get over it,
I will be the same as
before my loved one died.
I will never be the same.

At times I think I am beginning to heal, but the pain of losing someone I loved so much has left a permanent scar on my heart.
I visit my neighbors.
You tell me that you're glad
to see I am holding up so well.
But I am not holding up well.
Sometimes I want to lock the door and hide from the world.
I spend time with my friends,
I seem calm and collected.
I smile when appropriate.
You tell me it's good to see me back to my "old self"
But I will never be back to my "old self".
Death and grief, have changed my life...
and I am changed forever.


My Christmas Wish/Present from Heaven  

Christmas is coming
It's that time of year
My heart is broken
You will not be here

In Heaven with Jesus
Is where you will be
I still wish I had you
Right here you see.

If one present was granted
By God just for me
Please open Heaven and
Give you back to me.


God Saw You  

God saw you getting tired,
and a cure was not to be,
So he put His arms around you
and whispered, "Come to Me."
With tearful eyes we watched you,
and saw you pass away,
And though we loved you dearly,
we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating
hard-working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.


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